Each year buds and blossoms take over campus trumpeting the arrival of Spring, which means it won't be long until we find the scent of sweet orange trees floating along the breeze between classes. Cool mornings give way to warm evenings, sidewalks unroll, street signs smile, everyone perks up, and Arizona has never looked more beautiful.
Easter is exciting and perfect. [and sometimes comical. Take, for instance, how each year on Easter Sunday nearly all Christian women (including myself) tend to grow about 2 inches. haha] What a glorious time of remembrance, repentance, service, sacrifice, atonement, community, mystery, reflection, life, light, and hope! One that I look forward to with more anticipation and eagerness than any other day in the entire year.
And then today came... only 7 days after my favorite day of the year.
I have such great anticipation for Easter! Yet today, after the decorations had been taken down, after the excitement and emotional high of "Easter Sunday" had worn off, after the countdown had ended, I found myself wondering how I could have let this happen. How could I "forget" and "move on"? How could I allow myself to live with less excitement and anticipation for Jesus just because "Easter Sunday" had passed? As I sat there in church today I was disappointed with myself for allowing the craziness of school to persuade me into giving it a place of significant importance in my life, thus earning a majority of my time. For me, last week was insane with exams, papers, debates, presentations, etc etc etc... but I have no excuse. I looked back on last week and only saw minor changes in the amount of time I was spending with God, which is no bueno.
I think this is one reason why God told the Israelites to pick up stones from the Jordan and build a memorial so they would never forget what He has done for them. God knew life was going to get crazy and that we're very good at becoming wrapped up in our own kingdoms (especially when deadlines are pressing down and seem so important). God also knew we'd need a visual reminder because satan is sneaky and aids in our "forgetting". The devil is an active and manipulative craftsman, subtly equipping us with the ability to rationalize our poor choices, neglect important areas of our life, and isolate ourselves/thoughts. He places all the tools we need to drift away right in our hand. He's good at what he does... subtly corrupting and destroying the sons and daughters of the King and killing His perfect creation... leaving a series of gaping wounds as his trail markers.
I've been lured down that path before, the one that's comfortable and gradual, the one that left me ripe for temptation and beaten by the lies I came to believe. But the Lord pulled me up from the pit and placed me on solid ground- I don't want to go back! Yet, every now and then, I can see a little satan in my life. I can feel him tip-toeing around, hiding in the shadows of my fears, lurking behind my insecurities. I've caught him trying weave pride, arrogance, and impatience into my day.
But some days I don't see him, some days I don't feel him, some days I don't catch him... and those are the scary days. Those are the days I look at my schedule and "move past" spending true, quality time with God. Those are the days I'm too busy and have too much work to do, so I "put off" or "reschedule" devotional and prayer times. Those are the days that lead to days like today. Those are the days I need Him the most.
Then there comes times like this evening, when I toss off all (okay, realistically, a majority of) that crap, ask God to pull up the weeks that are chocking me, and carve out time to be with Him. I'm not going to lie though, it wasn't much... it wasn't even as much as it used to be earlier in the year. Things aren't "all better" and I haven't figured out how to have my behaviors be a reflection of my beliefs in practice. What I know trumps what I feel, so I'm working on co-laboring with Christ to believe and know that my identity, worth, value, and vindication are not contingent upon anything I do. (which for as many times as i've 'leanred' that truth, that lie still seems to taunt me)
My purpose is to know Him and make Him known.
So tonight, seven days past Easter, I rededicate myself to that purpose and the perspective shifts, priority changes, and daily decisions that a choice like that entails. Because in all honesty, I have a "memorial stone" from an important time time in my life... one that I'm setting in a more prominent place in my room (a focal point of sorts) that will (hopefully) continuously remind me of what the Lord has done for me, His truths, and my commitment. I've been distracted recently and am in need of a focal point because I want to activate my faith through surrender and walk in the freedom and peace the Lord has already given me.
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ps. please remember this is a space for diagolue, respectful arguements, comments, and other musings. please feel free to respond and interact like the 1st ever post invites you to do ;]
ps. please remember this is a space for diagolue, respectful arguements, comments, and other musings. please feel free to respond and interact like the 1st ever post invites you to do ;]
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I agree that I tend to make a big deal spiritually about holidays- but it's really about the day to day aspect of living out God's way.
in what ways do you relate? Tell me more about how you seek to live God's way in the day to day
I agree with what you said AJacobsUK and feel as though I expressed the same sentiment in the post.
I think we, as Christians, tend to view our "dirt" as something shameful. As if imperfections (such as the ones mentioned in the post) are too taboo to talk about because that might make us "bad Christians", but in reality we're all jacked up somewhere.
To me, it doesn't make sense how we can say, oh praise the Lord we're forgiven and how we'll claim renewal, but we won't open up about our dirt. Oftentimes, we hesitate to DO life with one another in the midst of muddled areas. It doesn't make sense that we are so quick to say we've got it "right" and that we've claimed restoration, yet we're still so reserved at the thought of exposing our junk... it seems contradictory.
With that being said, I acknowledge that we all process in different ways. I'm speaking more to the strength of vulnerability and the unifying power of humility in transparency. (i wish more people would shared the messed up parts of their lives as they're living them because I think it helps us relate to one another, encourage each other, pray for one another, and it overtly wipes away the "ive got it all together" misconception that happens when we're not purposeful about being genuine in all areas)
How great is our God that in the midst of all the crazyness he can bring about a peace that is so satisfying it leaves us wanting more. I did a fast at the begining of the quarter and I was reading everyday and being encouraged and it was such a time of reconecting and having that intimate relationship with the Father. Then the fast ended and the quarter got going with tests and papers and not only have I not been having the conversations with the people I want to, but I haven't been having the most important conversation with God either. I find it so easy to make time for eating, homework, working out, but I cant seem to consistantly make time for God. Why is this? And it is ironic because everytime I do spend time with Him it is amazing and there is so much peace that comes out of our time. You would think that that would cause positive reinforcement and the consequence of the behavior would strenthen that relationship. (hannah i know you will appreciate this thought process :) But yah that is one of the thoughts that constantly goes through my mind. How can I figure out how to truely desire that time enough to demand it. Obviously there are still things that I need to surrender completely to the Lord. What am I holding onto that I can't seem to let him have. He wants all of us, but we only want some of him. Only when we need him and only when it is convenient for us. But he is there whenever we need him, not only when it is convenient for him to be there. How great is our God and how much do we take advantage of him. If one of my friends treated me like that...
That is another interesting thing to think about. Look at how forgiving, merciful, and gracious our God is with us. That is how I want to be with everyone I meet. Yes it is hard and I may never achieve that, but that is the kind of world I want to live in. Where people are forgiving and they put others before themselves. Where people can empathize with each other enough to understand that we as human beings would be better off working together than against each other and each one for his own.
...Apparently I should get my own Blog Spot.
Love you hannah